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"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves" --Brendan Behan

"A German writer whom I love and whom I've translated, Erich Kastne, gives advice, in one of his poems, to a would-be suicide. He tries to give this man various reasons for not blowing his brains out. The man remains unconvinced, so Kastner says, in essence, "All right, the world is full of idiots and they're in control of everything. You fool, stay alive to annoy them!" And that, in a sense, is my function in life, and my consolation. If I can't convince these imbeciles of anything, I can at least annoy them..." --John Simon